Hmmmmm...

Yes, Minister is full of allusions to the concept of “the less you intend to do about something, the more you have to talk about it” – no doubt I could find an episode and exact quote, but you get the picture.

During the Lib Dem conference, there was a clear picture – a narrative of where the Liberal Democrats wanted to go and what they wanted to do. They have a clear ambition and are aligning themselves nationally to the left with the intention of also being able to soften this to tempt away core Conservative voters. I don’t agree with it policy-by-policy but at least it’s there, it’s clear and frankly, it’s sensible.

But I’m searching the Labour conference in vain for a cohesive, collective and strategic vision. Gordon Brown has been banging on for ages about his strategic vision. Longer, even, than since he became Prime Minister. And the reason that the country has been allowed to drift is because Brown has never come up with this encompassing vision. After 12 years in power, Labour has been drained of the strength to reform government properly ie from the Civil Service upwards and instead now tinkers around with headline-grabbers.

On the one hand, Lord Meddlesome wants to extend the car scrappage scheme for cheap new motors - on the other hand, Ed Miliband wants us all to believe Labour will be serious about climate change at Copenhagen. Andy Burham can’t guarantee health spending while maintaining Labour is the party of the NHS, Jack Straw promises more support for victims but Alan Johnson wants to be tougher on crime – we’ve heard it all before.

Gordon Brown wants to end the bonus system – but he presided over it. And Meddlesome thinks that Labour are both the “underdogs” for the election but also that it’s “up for grabs”.

This is government by headline and they are desperate headlines at that. Ministers’ ideas are stolen by the Prime Minister to shore up his own teatering authority and the country is being run by a series of politicians positioning themselves for leadership after the fall of a man whose methods of internal control are by all accounts tyrannical.

It strikes me that this conference is more about the Labour Party than the Labour government. Perhaps searching it for a national vision is to mistake its true purpose.

Having achieved a degree of success conning the media into following their vacuous Twitter campaign #welovethenhs, @KerryMP and the Labour e-coterie has now decided to run another silly season bandwagon, this time on the environment.

Enter Ed Miliband, the Environment Secretary now fully Twittered up, who Tweeted a week ago:

“@KerryMP totally agree on end of the line. Showed in my constit. did they give
out guide on fish to buy? Should be campaign on this.”

This particular piece of non-communication refers not to the end of the line for the Labour government followed by advice on having to buy your own fish (as opposed to getting it on expenses) but to the Bluefin Tuna boycott being pioneered by this organisation.

Now it’s turned into a wider campaign on the Road to Copenhagen, where in 104 days, world leaders will sit down and talk about the environment. They will discuss carbon outputs before India, China and the US refuse to lower their own emissions, instead paying for lesser developed nations to lower theirs in lieu. They will refuse to cut air travel, increase investment in renewable technology, lower oil consumption and take proper action over the destruction of rainforest and natural green space.

There will be no progress on population control (except in China where the sensible one-child policy is the most far-sighted thing about that nation) and instead we will get a series of headline-grabbing initiatives such as save the whale, hug the trees and re-glaze the icebergs – none of which will make the slightest difference to our environmental mess.

Still, if Labour really wants to push this charade as caring about the environment, that’s their problem. I’m sure a #RoadtoCopenhagen topic will appear soon, as well as some media coverage about climate-change denying Tories (which no doubt they will try and generate – Tory MPs/MEPs beware).

And after the environment, what will be the next campaign? It’s not as if Labour hasn’t got a huge mess that they’ve landed this nation in to try and sort out.